Preparing for a new year

And new challenges.
2009 was filled with:
Uterine cancer - full abdominal hysterectomy
Chron's disease resurfacing
Tech writing job becoming more hectic and challenging
Dad falling and cracking some ribs - found out it was a bad UTI. His Parkinson's is slowly eroding his physical abilities (loss of balance, incontinence, falling) and his mental capabilites (forgets where he is, can't find the kitchen, forgets to eat with utensils, freaks out when he can't see mom for 10 minutes, forgets where the bedroom is, can't pee into the toilet correctly) and so on.....
Mom struggling with depression and control issues - diagnosed with Congestive heart failure in October and has given up on life in some ways. Had to take her off her antidepressant due to the heart meds, and now she can't remember anything and is VERY depressed. Her short term memory is shorter than ever.
She obsesses about stuff and moves REALLY slow.
But I still love them - dad has the most wonderful sense of humor still, and mom is still very interested in the world and wants to know what is going on.
And they both tell me how grateful they are that I'm here. It helps when they say 'thank you' - then I know they are still here.
Our two caregivers have saved my life and I'm sooo grateful to them.
tomorrow I list out my resolutions - maybe if they are on paper (okay, the web) I will be forced to follow them, or at least try. So 2010 - here I/we come!
A few of my favorite photos from 2009.

Losing words

I think one of the most difficult part of being with my parents age is watching them struggle to do now what was normal a year ago. Mom has a hard time finding the words in a sentence and it upsets her. Yesterday she wanted to tell me something and couldn't remember her brother's name! Now that is scary. But at least she could say to me as she was searching, "WHAT is my brother's name!?" I felt awful for her.
About 2 weeks ago she ran out of Aricept. When she submitted the prescription to the pharmacy she was told that the new insurance company would not approve a renewal. Now she needs to get a new prescription from her doctor (and a new diagnosis as well) in order to get a new prescription. Of course the doctor was out of the office all this time and no one could do anything.
So her memory is falling apart bit by bit. I hope that it will start to come back when she can start taking it again.
She is beginning to tell me things a second time. There is no problem with that, except that I'm usually there when it happened, so I know already. I'm learning to just respond as though it was the first time I heard it.
Back to work today - I'm looking forward to being out of the house and thinking of something else. It sounds selfish I know, but right now it is so needed for my mental health!

Her depresssion

My mother is depressed, and has been for the past couple of days. I can tell by her lack of energy to cook dinner when I get home from work. Also she frets constantly about all the 'projects' she is facing and can't seem to get done. Which is kind of hard to listen to as she is retired and usually sitting in front of the tv when I get home.

However she is 84 years old and the primary caregiver for my dad who is 85 and has Parkinson's disease. Her life has been turned upside down over the past few years and now all she sees as her life is watching over my father.

Dad loves mom dearly, but they have 61 years of habits and built-in responses to each in their daily dance.
But she is lost I think and needs some kind of focus to give her life meaning. Maybe that is why she needs to be 'busy' and occupied with worrying about stuff.

I love them both and am very glad I'm here, don't get me wrong. But sometimes it is so hard to see my father fumble when trying to button his sweater, or take three tries to push himself out of the chair.
This aging business can really suck I think.
More tomorrow.

End of a working vacation

I'm in the Sonic restaurant here in New Orleans airport, waiting for my flight to Minneapolis, then home to Corvallis.
I just finished photographing a wedding in Gulf Shores Alabama. The Beach Club in Gulf Shores is fantastic. Perfect fine white sands and gorgeous sunsets. I think the Gulf coast must be nice except for the occasional hurricane or two.
Had lots of fun at the wedding, and many long treks on the beach by myself. Growing up with the Pacific Ocean as my only reference point makes the warm blue water of the gulf that much more inviting.

No caregiving, cooking or cleaning took place for me since last Tuesday. I can hardly believe that I'm returning to my life tonight.
I'll be posting photos later if I can figure out how to add them here. Also I want to write more on the southern way of living - it may sound laid back - but it most certainly is NOT!

Living with a tired brain

here i am thinking that there might be something useful to write, when in reality my brain is too tired to compose much of anything.
But this is a start.

I've been here with my parents now for just about 11 months and every day it gets a little bit harder. My dad has Parkinsons Disease, but he is doing okay. He can still take care of himself for the most part. We had to take away his driving priviledges a few months back, but he seems to have adjusted.
My mother on the other hand is tired, angry and not a little depressed with the hand life has dealt her. Listening to her weep with sadness the other day in the doctor's office just about broke my heart. She is losing so much at 84 - and is fully aware of her dwindling mental capacity.

The three of us take it day by day.